Still Chasing...

Can the sun be chased? Of course not. But I often feel the need to do just that. To pack my bags and go—following the warm, welcoming sun. Over each horizon and into each reflection on the sea. If I can only reach the vibrant glow and absorb it into my soul completely! I seek that energy. I need it to feed my soul. Without the sun's glow I feel empty. In the shade-filled times of my life I have only felt like running. Fleeing the current reality and finding a new place to grow my roots. A new place for the sun to kiss my uplifted face.

But life does not really work like that—one can't keep running away from the shadows. In the shadow is where the secrets of one's life is held. That's where our true selves are hidden. At least that's where I have always hidden mine.

At times, the sun draws out my inner light and I feel free. In those moments I feel true to myself, and strong. Strong enough to be who I truly am, without reservation. Without worry of not living up to my own expectations of who I should be. Of who I imagine I am deep inside.

Most of the time I feel like I am truly myself only when I am alone. Or when I am doing something I truly love, and forget to hold myself back from my expression of uninhibited freedom. In those moments I suppose I am also alone, at least in my head at that moment. Sometimes moments like those are shared with other people. I imagine that is heaven—or what heaven is intended be, whatever you may label it. Children have the ability to experience this so easily. I admire the openness and trust children have for life, for experiences. As an adult, I seek to find that freedom still. And so I keep chasing the sun...